Companion

Spending an evening in the company of those I know
I realize the loner I have been in life these days
With all the guys, at work and after work, around

I feel the need for someone, to get rid of the feeling
Someone who would not bring me a burden afresh
With nomenclature for the company I will have
And hence, I call that someone a companion.

A companion who would feel the same need as I do
And hence would appreciate how it would be

I sleep alone in this couch longing for her
Who hasn’t turned up, yet does exist
I am not in love nor am I waiting to be
All that I yearn for this day would be
Pure passionate emotional companionship
That would last this night and live the day later

This couch is too crammed for me to turn around
But seems spacious if I were to have a companion
Who would be in my arms in this space so small yet not
It is nothing purely carnal, though it puts in its part
But is more of the sense of companionship it would be

Story of an excuse

Last Sunday has been one of the happiest days. My cousin got engaged to a beautiful girl liked by all of my family. It took quite a while for my cousin’s parents to be convinced, yet when they met the girl, the nod came in no time. Boy, all of us were happy, for this cousin was special to all of us. But, my problems began once the nod came for him.

Dad should have received more than 10 queries in the past year as to when would I get married. Ever since I started work four years ago, there have been queries. But, they have been more frequent for the past one year. And unlike earlier, Mom and Dad don’t shrug them off. They want me to get married at the earliest. Until now I could find an excuse; my cousin, who was elder to me. Now, I have no excuse and even if I find one, no one seems to be willing to listen. Not even the fact that I am only 25 year old now. To say the truth, I have seen girls, who I fear might force me into a commitment. Gosh! Why are Iyengar girls so beautiful? For all the good things, there is one reason I am not ready for marriage as yet. I am too unpredictable and I am aloof at times when others expect it the least.

I have seen a lot of shit in my young life. If I have seen faithfulness and loyalty, I have also seen betrayal and deception. But, the unfaithful were those whom I trusted with all my heart, all my life. Ever since I have laid a limit that no one shall cross. Those who are around don’t realize it, but I make a conscious effort about it. I have not let any one get very close, I have not let any one know me very well. I don’t fear a repeat of history. The fact is I don’t trust people anymore when one says they would be with me for ever. I have seen quite many of them who went back on their words.

This triggered off a behavior I didn’t expect to have. I am still an extrovert. Yet, others see mood swings in me. That’s because I make an effort not to spend a long time with the same set of people. V, K, and R are exceptions to it. But, there are many more people in my life who are victims of my choosy behavior. I alternate between sets of people and this makes them believe I have mood swings. I fear I might not be able to add the girl to the exceptions sooner. And I would not commit myself, when I don’t do it with all my heart. I would be ready for a commitment only and only when I see myself ready to add the girl to the exceptions the moment she enters my life. Until then, I find an excuse.